Maybe it was the ghost adventures I watched before going to bed last night that contributed to my out of sortness this morning. I’ve haven’t been feeling like myself for some time, fear is holding me down; holding me back. What am I afraid of? Afraid of my own shadow. It isn’t doing me or anyone else any good. I’m needy and clingy to my love; he tells me I need a dog. I’ve been resorting to everything else but dealing with my issues which in turn only prolongs the suffering and then I wonder where my happiness is. Old behavioral patterns re-emerge from the past darkness and I struggle for air not to give in. I suffocate myself and it’s all I can do to to answer the phone, leave the house, force social interaction to make myself feel something normal. I pinched myself today to see if I still exist. My love asked me what was so wrong as tears welled up to which I replied, I have good days and bad days. I have a good life, I have a great life. I lack vision, I don’t have direction for where I’m going and what I should be doing. Instead of enjoying it I’m feeling rather peevish and wallowing in self misery. This has got to stop. I heard ghost hunters is much scarier.