Maybe it was the ghost adventures I watched before going to bed last night that contributed to my out of sortness this morning.  I’ve haven’t been feeling like myself for some time, fear is holding me down; holding me back.  What am I afraid of?  Afraid of my own shadow.   It isn’t doing me or anyone else any good.  I’m needy and clingy to my love; he tells me I need a dog.  I’ve been resorting to everything else but dealing with my issues which in turn only prolongs the suffering and then I wonder where my happiness is.    Old  behavioral patterns re-emerge from the past darkness and I struggle for air not to give in.   I suffocate myself and it’s all I can do to to answer the phone, leave the house, force social interaction to make myself feel something normal.  I pinched myself today to see if I still exist.  My love asked me what was so wrong as tears welled up to which I replied, I have good days and bad days.  I have a good life, I have a great life.   I lack vision, I don’t have direction for where I’m going and what I should be doing.  Instead of enjoying it I’m feeling rather peevish and wallowing in self misery.   This has got to stop.    I heard ghost hunters is much scarier.


About Della

photography a work in progress; always growing, continually learning
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