I had the best intentions to write last night after dinner and wine at a nice italian restaurant. Instead I talked to my sister who’s living in Dallas and dating/living with a boy who’s skin color is different about how our parents who are not racist instead prejudiced are sometimes difficult for over an hour and finished a bottle of wine. I’m honestly not feeling so great this morning waking up late, coming in to work a few minutes late and waking up to snow. I was going to write how much I love inclement weather, how I’ve been listening to miles, nina, dizzy and charlie and how much I missed them, about my first “ladies night” tonight which involves the topic of love and how it’s the best topic ever… how I’m excited and terrified at the same time. I’ve been thinking about how I can get out of this ladies night for the past week even though I like the two girls I know that are in the group. Cue anxiety. I drank some coconut water, took some ibuprofen, am drinking mate and water infused with propel and hope to feel somewhat coherent and cohesive in the near to immediate future. Subconsciously I do these things to myself so I don’t have to think or worry…. now that I think about it this is something that is hereditary.. not justifying ; just identifying. this is seriously a pain in the ass. I’m typically fine at work or in places I know. It’s always the unknown that gets to me. As long as I don’t move too fast I’ll be fine today….