Last night I felt alone
I called everyone I wanted to talk to and they were all busy
I’ve let myself go out of control quite a few times while out being a bit drunk sort of how you have to pinch yourself to see if you still exist and while it was nice to feel awake …. it was only temporary.
my relationship…… right now feels like a pool of water sitting on the beach trapped by the sand and this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach keeps getting worse…..
I don’t mind being alone, it’s just the feeling of aloneness that gets to me at times.
I’m not complaining, just not feeling myself today.
There were so many other things I wanted to write about, fun stuff thinking about it last night while making dinner… instead we sat in the living room watching basketball of all things cause its march madness and didn’t i know basketball was such a great sport so i smoked some weed in the hopes it might make it better and decided in the long run i needed a hot shower instead going to bed afterwards and he didn’t even kiss me goodnight making me very sad today even though i know he’s having a hard go of it and he’s frustrated as hell with his job but you know we’re supposed to be there for each other and even when it’s not easy we’re still supposed to love each other and more and more i feel like we’re roommates sleeping in the same bed just best friends but even best friends talk and tell each other secrets and I’m not complaining just not feeling myself today and what the fuck