when it rains, it pours……. always ….. never fails
Having trouble today keeping my head afloat.
For the first time in over a month, I went to the beach yesterday, laid on the warm sand and went swimming in the cool water. It helped yesterday as I let the waves wash over my head again and again cleansing and for a little I felt peaceful and relaxed.
Halloween, the first in a few years I had a party to go to and dress for the occasion however before the party my presence was required at a wedding and had to stop in at the reception and offer a “congrats” So the party was in full swing by the time I got there and most of the keg was gone (yes, just like in high school), boys had been drinking shots of Jager and were somewhat drunk. The host and hostess weren’t far behind. So the evening was spent cleaning up after drunken people and dealing with all kinds of shit. By the end of the night, I was stressed and not even a decent drunken buzz to accompany it.
Yesterday morning I came home to my mom and brother sitting in the driveway, they had spent the night in the car after my fucking father had one of his episodes. He’s a fucker I tell you. Made them both a nice breakfast and attempted to make sure they were going to be okay. Offered to let them stay at the house however my mom was intent on going home. I called several times yesterday to check in and this morning. My father has apologized and told my mother he is going to “do better” this week. I have two choice words for him “FUCK YOU” and that is that.
It was nice being at the beach laying on the sand, even better being in the water, wish I could have stayed in the moment longer
Having trouble staying even remotely focused at work, tried to not smoke this weekend however failed and need to take my oh so fatter by the minute it’s all in my head ass to yoga this evening, trying to think of reasons not to go feeling guilty at the same time.
“…and I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there’s a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots.”
Hunter S. Thompson